I am an Addict

Me: Hi, My name is C and I am an addict
All: Hi, C
Me: I recently relapsed and am trying to get sober again.
I have periods of sobriety where I see reason and stay away from my addiction. I spend months like this before I find myself again in the midst of my addiction.
But, I wonder whether I am really sober during all these periods of abstinence because after an initial phase of being reasonable, my mind falls into the lures offered by the world. I see the drug of my choice being represented everywhere in movies, series, books, songs, ads–everywhere. Yes, there is that warning but blink and you’ll miss it.
After a while, I start daydreaming about my cause of addiction and how pleasurable it would be to indulge in it again. Vivid pictures form in my head of how good it would feel. A warm fuzzy feeling. Reason slowly slips away, replaced by a craving.
I crave it, I want it, I NEED it.
Slowly, slowly, the old habits return; the old mindset too. And one day, I find myself back where I was five years ago. Using, abusing; I find myself in the heart of it all.
Then, it’s time for a reawakening again. A hard slap on my face. Time to call back reason again.
This is when mood swings become frequent, temper tantrums return, and it’s written on my face that I am an emotional wreck. I just need a hit of my drug.
Then, I cry like a child, trying to shake it all away. In the light of reason, the addiction-demon backs away.
And so I am here again. Trying to be sober yet again.
All: Thank you, C for sharing your story.
Someone: Hey, what did you say was your drug of choice again?
Me: Oh, I guess I forgot to mention it. It’s C8H11NO2+C10H12N2O+C43H66N12O12S2.
In other words, Love.


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